I think I'll start out with the simple, easy to describe fantasies that I hold in my head and heart. To be specific about the way I would leave this life. If I had to go before the love of my life, I would want to go in his arms, there is no doubt about that in my mind. I want his face to be the last one I see before I depart. I want his voice to be the last one I hear in my ears before death takes me away. There's nothing more than that that I want, because the man I end up spending the rest of my life with, will be the closest thing to an angel that I will ever meet.
Oh god, I don't know where to go next, when discussing my fantasies. I mean there are some that I can sum up in a sentence or two, but some of them I think may take a couple paragraphs or so to discuss. They're just that involved.
My wedding day, I want it to be the wedding that I've always wanted. Outside, the leaves are just changing colors, vibrant bright colors, painting the background of my day. At the altar will stand my to be husband, anxious up the wazzoo, so nervous that he may even be sweating a bit by then. My father, wearing a tux will give me away, walk with me down that aisle. A veil will be over my face, concealing my face from my husband and the guests in the seats splayed out across the green grass. I'll be downed in white, In my hand I'll hold a bouquet of purple Irises and white roses, accented with white lilies and tied all together with red satin ribbons that trail in the wind. My trail will be carried behind me as I walk by two young girls, cute and smiling faces. As I reach the alter, you can see the look in his eyes, a look like none other. Such a unique look, that it's hard to explain. Then I take my place across from him, and we exchange our wedding vows, I'll be crying, but a smile will play on my lips and my eyes show such great emotions as I do. Then, he lifts my veil, we look deeply into each other's eyes, and he leans in, bending slightly, places his lips upon mine, and kisses me with such passion that it makes my heart stop. We're married, I'm finally married. And I couldn't ask for more.
My wedding night, will be like none other. He'll carry me over the threshold. In his arms, a place I never want to leave, I feel safe and secure, the way I've always want to feel in a man's arms. I hold onto him as he continues to carry me, up the stairs, into our bedroom. Candles are lit around the bedroom, white candles a few red ones. Rose petals white, pink, and red, lay scattered along the floor he walks upon. He looks down at me, says nothing, but tells a story of such love with a soft smile and the look in his eyes. I smile softly, and warmly back at him, telling him of my love for him with my brown eyes and softened face. He reaches the bed, and gently lays me down. He crawls on top of me, he kisses me for what feels like eternity, then his lips travel and explore. This night, we don't leave the house or our room, we spend every minute until dawn making love with great passion.
I wonder if i should have discussed other fantasies before the wedding one... Hmmm, oh well too late now, because I sure as hell am not erasing any of that that I typed, took long enough with this retarded keyboard I'm on.
I dream constantly about waking up, to see him sleeping peacefully next to me, to see his relaxed state, and just watch. Then as he opens his eyes and sees me watching him, I smile softly and my eyes soften, and I lean in and whisper that I love him, into his ear.
He'll show up one day, unannounced. A knock on my apartment or house door, in his hand a single flower of great beauty. He'll barge in through the door and wrap his arms around my body, bend me over slightly, and kiss me deeply. Catching me off guard. He'll have took my breathe away and made my heart skip a beat by doing this.
We'll be walking along, together, holding hands tightly and securely. We haven't exchanged a word in a few minutes, but we reach a crowded area with many people. And he stops and shouts at the top of his lungs: "I love this woman!" And I will blush furiously, but my heart will melt, because now everyone knows just how much this man loves me. He will then pull me to him, and kiss me passionately. Then as he slowly pulls away from what feels like forever, he'll place his mouth at my ear and whisper: "I'll love you always and forever."
We'll be walking along, in a bit of a hurry, and then it starts to rain. I will naturally stop, lift my head up and close my eyes, feeling every drop of rain hit my skin, the gifts from the clouds. He'll notice I have stopped, and he won't say anything but come close, hold me tightly and guide my face to look at his, then kiss me deeply. It isn't just one kiss, but as the rain pours down and drenches our clothing, we will stand there and continue to kiss several times.
It doesn't matter the place this time, but he will have written me a song, or perhaps a poem, and he reads it to me, whispering it in my ears with a deep voice, and then pull away and look into my eyes, his words melt me inside, and I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. Then pull away and say: "I love it when you do that..."
He's there, when I need him the most, cry so hard, my sinuses are plugged shut and I heave air through my mouth. But he doesn't falter, he stands strong just for me, his arms holding me so tight that it feels like he will never let me go, that he's telling me it's okay, that he'll always be here for me when I really need him. He kisses my forehead, then kisses away my tears, wiping the rest away with his finger, as he smiles at me faintly and then pulls me close to his chest again. I can hear his heart beat and it soothes me greatly. I calm and I relax from my horrible breakdown or sadness and I feel comforted to the point that my eyes get heavy and I fall asleep in his arms. He then carries me to bed, pulls back the covers, and lays me down gently. He then crawls in on the other side of me on the bed, and brings his body close to my back, his arms wrap around me and he holds me until he falls asleep as well.
We aren't living together, but he isn't far off, but if he is, then it doesn't matter. I call him at 2 am, wake him up, I'm crying, I've broken down yet again. His voice calms down and he speaks softly into the receiver on his end. I say: "I didn't want to call anybody but you. I need you here... " I tell him what's wrong. I hear him rustling on the other end of the line, and then a jingling of what may be keys. He then says: "Hold on, I'll be there soon..." and then as I sniff I hear his car's engine start and the radio of it turn on playing music. He says again: "Unlock your door and wait for me outside, Don't worry love I'll be there soon..." and then minutes or hours (depending on how far he is away) he'll pull into an empty space at my apartment's parking lot or into my driveway. And he'll bust out of his car, forgetting to close the driver's side door, almost having forgot to put the car into park, and he'll run over to me, full speed. When he reaches me he'll pick me up in his arms with such swift motion that I am a bit surprised. I press my face into his chest or shoulder, and I cry and he rubs my back, still holding me with such fierce protectiveness. And then he'll say: "I'm here now... "
He says: "I love you so much, that every day I can't help but fall in love with you all over again."
He says to me: "I finally found you, I've waited my whole life just to see you, taste you, hold you, and love you. And I never want to let you go, no, I promise I never will let you go, I will love you always and forever."
I won't admit that I've always wanted to be that princess rescued by that knight in shining armor, or that queen who has a king that loves her more than anything in the world. But he will know, and he'll sneak in words that make me widen my eyes, my stomach flutter with thousands of butterflies, my cheeks blush, and my lips part. I'll be his everything, his queen, his princess, his mate for life, and he will let me know this in words.
He'll do something to make me blush or give me butterflies every day that we are together, and when we marry, it won't stop, but he'll keep doing it, even when we have children together, he'll keep constantly doing things to make me smile, laugh, blush, or feel so loved that it makes me cry from joy.
God, I think it's time for me to stop, but I don't want to stop, I'm not even half way done... Really I'm not. Oh well. My hands are getting kind of tired anyways, and I'm starting to get a bit embarrassed, even though I shouldn't be. Perhaps I will continue this another day. But for now, I'm ending it now, so ... Ja ne!
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