Inside...

So I've been doing some thinking. Unfortunately when this happens, nothing good comes out of it, or something good does happen but I still feel like shit for it. WELL, anyways... Back to business.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with Elliott lately. Like where is it going? What's going to happen in the next few months...weeks... years... I can't help but be consumed by this absolute dread that I feel in my heart. Like something terrible is going to happen. Like he's going to leave me, break my heart into many tiny pieces when I just finally managed to put it all back together. Ugh. Or worse, like the three fates will kill me before I get to even see his face, or worse kill him. I don't think I could survive another tragedy like that. No way in hell could I, and I know this for a fact.

And so here I sit, in front of my home computer, pouring my heart and soul into this little nonsensical blog, that I'm pretty sure no one reads, and basically fussing about it. I can't stop worrying, seriously. I guess that's probably because of my anxiety problems, or just because of the fact that I have been hurt in the past before. Sometimes I can't even figure it out. REALLY! And you would think, above all people, I would be the one person to best know myself. Well there's where you're wrong.

I've been stressing over everything lately. I really don't know what in the world to do anymore. It's getting rougher every day more I'm here on this planet. But no one said life is easy right? Agh. *grabs her head and shakes it* I'm not even sure if blogging is going to help me in the long run. Maybe I should just keep all this shit inside and in my black little book. That way the world doesn't have to share my pain.

Night.