The Wreckage

So I'm sitting here, solemnly smoking a cigerette after having yet ANOTHER dream about elliott. Jeeze now I can't even remember what happened in the dream, because after my friend's cats woke me up, I had a totally different dream. And you know me, I have the short term memory of a damned goldfish, and for the record, their memory has a total life of three seconds before they forget things. Sometimes I think about how lucky they are to be able to forget the horrible things and become happily oblivious. It makes me kind of sad that I'm a human too at times.

Oh well, I guess that comes with the territory of the curse of being a human being.

And now on to different things...

I'm a bit worried now a days. That every step I now take could end up screwing me over in the end. Seriously. It makes me want to cry sometimes because I see myself as such a fragile person now a days. I think about how strong I used to be, and I want to be her again. I'm sick of being this little weakling, and just want to move on. But sometimes it seriously becomes a bit hard on me. I'm so pessimistic, and I'm plagued with doubts and unwanted thoughts. I want to be different again. If I become stronger, I'm more likely to change the world I live in, right?

I'm at the crossroads still, and I still don't know which path to choose, where the said path I choose will take me. I'm scared of journeying down that gravel road, in the darkness, in the abyss, alone. I don't want to be scared, I don't want to be frightened. I want to be strong and complacent. My feet won't bleed, but I'm worried they'll become sore and tired, so it's nice to have someone on that same path as me, until then I might just be stuck here on the crossroads, unless, that is, I decide to challenge myself and do it myself.

Oh well. I think that's enough ranting and raving today.

Ja Ne!